5 minutes of reading
For a moment you may have in your mind while reading these lines an idea that it's a gloomy pointless nonsense. But I'll promise you - it will not be like that! According to the trustworthy blogging manual my procedure will be the following: you encounter an issue, describe a deep touching story about it and offer a solution. That's easy peasy stuff, isn't it!
It's been over three weeks since my parents' dog was killed by car. It was the best dog on the planet Earth. It was not a puppy any more but still it had more positive attitude towards people than most of the religiously oriented inhabitants of this planet. More precisely speaking it was a dog - bitch - who liked seeing everyone and due to this fact she was literarily driven to death.
Last year she encountered death of my closest ones.
One "wedding before" the Kacena's death (that's the name of the dog) I was colorfully explaining to a girl that death is part of one's life. It was from my side deep but rather pointless discussion which hopefully did not took long time. Due to the advanced night, she was probably more interested in my hairy chest protruding from the unzipped shirt than the certainty that death will come one day, I guess. :) You cannot imagine how grateful I would be if my statement was just partially true but actually it is not and it will never be, my dear friends. You know, life is simply temporary...
Apart from Kacena another person called Lukas, who was at some times my sort of younger brother and almost the further brother-in-law whom I had not met for ages, also passed away last year... What I have left from Lukas, almost thirty year's old husband and father of two handsome boys, are three parts of the negative film from our hitchhiking trip and especially the conversation at FB that we will find another date to finally arrange a photographic session with his family... We didn't arrange the photographic session after all but I had as an excuse not to be able to fit into the date already organized actual funeral of my grandma. And here I am getting again to the point of death. How down I was from both events is another story but the essential is that I had managed to photograph all my three close ones some time ago.
I photographed Lukas as a person who had known nothing about photographing (which has not changed so much, though). At that time it was not so super cool to wear analog camera around the neck, as it is these days. But for me it was fine and therefore I have the black and white negative film at disposal today. The pictures with Lukas are funny. In one of them he is gettin' out from the corn field with the toilet tissues in hand, close to the road. If I remember well, one car immediately gave us a lift while hitchhiking in direction to Cesky Krumlov. In another photo he hangs on a branch or, for example, was doing headstand.
Pictures with my granny and Kacena are not the same at all! Four years ago on the Christmas day I took a picture of my granny and the picture is pretty sad. I probably intended to make it dramatic - what a fool I was! Almost during her whole funeral I had to smile, because she had above her coffin a picture with pleasant smile from the times when my grandpa was still alive and she didn't know that my aunt was taking picture of her.
In the same way I have the only picture of Kacena - the almost three year's old bitch who always totally astound me with her joyful attitude to everything. The picture was taken when I arrived home to my parents and her gesture seems to be also pretty sad - perhaps tired but I do not recall her in this way nowadays.
Why the hell did I do it in this way? I feel ashamed because I know the answer and I am honest about it. It is awesome that throughout those three very demanding years I managed to get to the dreamlike freelancing photographers life. What is it for when I do not catch in the pictures the joy and happiness of my closest ones? Or from a different perspective - why do not I take pictures when I do not have to and will not earn money to pay the bills for that? Does it mean "the cobbler's children go barefoot"? They are not even able to go! Thanks to this insight I will take you, my beloved camera, everywhere despite the threat of all the potential scratches! And I confess also in front of you all that from now on I will not catch any sad pictures and still today I will send the pictures, which I randomly took on our trips, to Fotolab (or what is this shop called). I am so excited from the fact my best friends would have them in their hands! Can't wait to it!